Be Your Own Damn Hero

“Cause I have sent for a warrior from on my knees, make me a Hercules. I was meant to be a warrior please make me a Hercules.”

I think there is a part of me that has always wanted to be rescued; have a white knight swoop in to be my hero. I’m ashamed to admit this because I think it is in direct conflict with my staunch feminism, but it isn’t so much about being rescued by a man as it is about having an alternative way to escape. I work hard and have struggled for a long time, so anyone who can provide reprieve would be welcomed with open arms.

I have always felt weak, emotionally and physically. This may contribute to my identifying as a victim and directly impact how I approach life. That’s not to say that I seek sympathy for my past, but I absolutely believe that it has defined my present and once believed that it dictates my future.

I had a bit of a revelation, the other day, and it was triggered by the oddest thing. I was watching The Descent (for about the 1000th time) and I was actually in awe of the strength of the female characters. For as many times as I have seen this film, I suddenly had a new appreciation for Sarah.

Having suffered the loss of her child and husband, to then be forced into a horrific situation by Juno and still have the resolve to find a way to survive was quite empowering. I had never analyzed the story from the perspective of Sarah, before; I had always looked at the women as a group, rather than as individuals. Perhaps I relate to her more since having lost Kevin or maybe I was subconsciously seeking something to inspire me. Whatever the case may be, it impacted me in a way that I never would have expected.

Sarah chose to continue the tradition of yearly adventures with her friends. Not only was she physically strong enough to go spelunking (which is super impressive, on it’s own), but she fought to stay alive. She fought, not in spite of her past, but because of it. She did not need to be saved by her friends because she was her own hero.

I hope this change of perspective lasts. I know that I am a fickle bitch and as I mentioned before, incredibly emotional, so anything can set me off. My primary hope is that I can become the person who can rescue myself and maybe, someday, inspire others to do the same.

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